It's How You Make Them Feel...

Christmas is inching closer, and as I was putting up some winter decor (yes, I'm one of those people), I was going down my list in my mind of what gifts I have to buy and for whom. It got me thinking about my mom's amazing gift-giving abilities, but then I started thinking about all the things I'd like to thank her for if she were still here.

She used to drive me forty-five minutes to go to a friend's house in high school. She never complained, never made me feel bad about it. She did it. And sometimes sat in her car somewhere reading until it was time to pick me up, or she'd go back and forth. I never realized how much time that took until I became a parent.

My dad used to come over in the mornings when I was a new parent (having lost my mom earlier in the year my son was born) to play with him so I could shower and prepare for the day. Of course there was the fact he loved seeing his grandson, but I also know he was doing it because that is a small way he felt he could help me, when he was feeling pretty helpless navigating things without mom.

When it snows, my husband gets up a little earlier than his usual 3:30am rise time and cleans off my windshield and windows - and shovels a little path to my car. He knows how chaotic mornings can be and it's his way to make it a little easier.

My mother-in-law used to take our newborn overnight every other week. It didn't matter that hubs and I didn't have plans - she'd tell us to sleep or go out to dinner or just spend time being "us", something much needed when we were working full time and new to parenting.

My friend texted me with a great sale on bacon, and where to find it at the store, and how to get a raincheck if it's not there. She didn't need to go out of her way, but it gave me the chance to stock up on something we use a lot at home that is typically expensive.

The other day, I sorted the clean laundry in the basement and took care of letting the dogs out, typically my kids' chores. Yes, they could have done it, but they've had long days with sports and homework and jobs, and I wanted them to have that extra half hour to devote to something else they needed to focus on.

My mom knew how important friends were. My dad knew I'd be missing my mom. My mother-in-law knew that we needed to be a couple in addition to parents. My husband shows love by knowing what's most important to us, and doing the little things. My friend wants to help others through what she's awesome at - saving money. And I want my kids to have time to be kids still, even though they are getting older. It isn't about what we do for others - it's how we make them feel. And everyone needs to feel important and loved.

So as you're getting ready for Christmas and buying the presents, think back on all of the things your friends and family do that require nothing more than time. Maybe write a note of thanks or send them a text. And then think about substituting a material gift with an action that can show them how much you care. That is your legacy - that is what people will remember about you.