Breakups and the fallout

Tonight, my heart breaks for my baby girl. She’s facing her first breakup, and I’m struggling to find the right words to comfort her. This feels different now. By the time she walks into school tomorrow, everyone will know, and she’ll move through her day surrounded by her friends—who will love and support her—but she’ll still be nursing a wound that hurts deeper than she thought possible.

I remember that feeling all too well. There’s nothing worse than that emptiness—the ache that starts in your chest and spreads to every part of you. It’s a pain like no other, one that can leave you confined to your bed or your darkened room, lost in sadness for days, months, or even years. You feel alone, trying to grasp the fact that not all breakups happen because someone was "bad"—sometimes it’s simply that they weren’t the right fit for you. Not because they didn’t care, but because they couldn’t love you in the way you needed.

In many ways, I think these kinds of breakups—the ones with the good people who just aren’t the right match—are the hardest. The ones who are right in one thousand ways but just not a match in the one that matters. It leaves you with no one to be angry at. How do you let go when your heart still wants to hold on?

But all the breakups I’ve gone through have never prepared me for the pain that comes with seeing my child’s heart break. I’d endure a thousand more of my own heartaches, even if it meant stepping barefoot through a path of Legos, if it meant she’d never have to feel this way.

The only advice I have to offer her tonight is this: this breakup means you’re one step closer to finding the one who truly is your forever. Every heartbreak, though painful, makes you stronger. It teaches you more about who you are and what you need in a partner. Each person leaves a small scar on your heart, a reminder of their place in your life. Some of those memories you’ll want to erase, but others you’ll cherish forever.

Keep them wherever feels right for you. Sometimes it’s in your heart. Sometimes in a memory box. Maybe you make them a character in a book, woven with their memory. Whatever it is, know that each relationship—no matter how short-lived—prepares you for the love that’s meant to be. And for that, each one is important.