I Guess Not Much Changes
It was over a year ago when an old friend reached out. Well, he’d been more than a friend at some point. He has actually reached out some years before, though I had somehow missed the email. It was a pleasant conversation.
As I purged old emails tonight, I read that first one I missed a long time ago.
“I'm not sure how to end this email but I would like one thing............I want you to remember the good times/ fun we had together as I will always remember you in this way.”
So I want to thank him for reminding me. I want to apologize to him for being the overbearing and pushy person I’ve always been. And somehow, I want to learn how to let go of the past like other people can.
But as all things do, it came time to say goodbye again. But I’m not good at goodbye. And like I always seem to do, I pushed. Far too much, in retrospect. I’m not entirely sure why. I can call it unresolved emotions or unanswered questions or simple curiosity, but I just couldn’t stand to let another piece of my history disappear again. I could say it’s because I want to keep friends with everyone. The truth is more likely closer to the fact that feeling important to someone 20+ years later was something I needed.
I’m happy in my life, where I am. I’m not looking for the next best thing. I have the greatest things at home. Yet somehow these people and places from my past are so important to me because they are a part of who I am. And sometimes, I need help remembering that. I need help remembering the good things. I need reminders that my life has mattered.
“I'm not sure how to end this email but I would like one thing............I want you to remember the good times/ fun we had together as I will always remember you in this way.”
So I want to thank him for reminding me. I want to apologize to him for being the overbearing and pushy person I’ve always been. And somehow, I want to learn how to let go of the past like other people can.
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