So many people have inspired me...

I saw a graphic yesterday that said:

“So many people have inspired me to be nothing like them.”

Wow.

It’s one of those lines that makes you laugh a little at first because, well, we all have a few people who immediately come to mind.

But then I kept thinking about it.

And the question became a little less comfortable:

Am I one of those people for someone else?

I’m sure I am.

There are probably people who have crossed paths with me and walked away thinking, I never want to make someone feel the way she made me feel. Maybe it was something I said. Something I did. Something I didn’t do. A moment when I was selfish or impatient or so wrapped up in my own life that I didn’t realize the effect I was having on someone else.

Just like I can name people who have taught me exactly who I don't want to be, I have to accept that I may have played that role in someone else's story, too.

And maybe that’s not entirely a bad thing.

Because I’ve realized that some of the people who have shaped me most weren’t the ones I wanted to emulate.

They were the ones who showed me what I wanted to do differently.

I've carried that with me throughout my career. I've carried it into friendships and relationships. And I especially carry it with me as a parent.

I think about the moments when someone made me feel small, and I try not to make other people feel that way.

I think about the times I needed someone to listen and they didn't, so I try harder to listen.

I think about the people who couldn't admit when they were wrong, and I remind myself to say, I was wrong. I'm sorry.

Sometimes our greatest examples aren't examples of what to do.

They're examples of what not to do.

But here's the uncomfortable part: none of us gets to decide which kind of example we are in someone else's life.

We are all human. We screw up. We have bad days and poor reactions. We say things we wish we could take back. We hurt people, sometimes without even realizing we've done it.

Perfection isn't the goal.

Growth is.

Do we recognize our mistakes? Do we take accountability for them? Do we apologize without attaching an excuse? Do we actually change our behavior, or do we keep hurting people in the same ways and calling it "just who I am"?

Because maybe the goal isn't to make sure no one ever looks at us and thinks, I don't want to be like her.

Maybe that's impossible.

Maybe the goal is to make sure we're never so convinced of our own goodness that we stop asking ourselves whether we could be better.

There are people in my life who have inspired me to become more like them.

And yes, there are people who have inspired me to be absolutely nothing like them.

I'm grateful for both.

I just hope that as I get older, I spend a little more time becoming the first kind of person.

And when I'm inevitably the second?

I hope I'm humble enough to realize it, own it, and change.