A Season To Grow…

The other night, I found myself crying on the drive home.

My daughter had just served as a senior leader at the freshman picnic - her first “last” of high school. One year from now, if all goes according to plan, we’ll hopefully be moving her into a dorm at her dream college in New York. And deep down, I know she probably won’t ever fully move back this way again. She was born for adventure, for big dreams, for a life bigger than the one inside this state. 

At the same time, my son is building a life of his own too. He’s dating an amazing girl, finding his path, growing into adulthood - and I know it won’t be long before he’s moving out and starting his next chapter too.

And honestly, that’s one of the hardest parts of parenting.

You spend years raising your kids to become independent, capable, self-sufficient people… and then one day, they actually are. It’s a blessing. But it’s also heartbreaking in ways nobody really prepares you for.

I don’t know that I’m ready for an empty nest.

Sometimes I catch myself wondering what life would have looked like if we’d had more children. If I hadn’t lost pregnancies along the way. But I also know J always wanted one kid, and that two was one of the compromises we made when we built our life together.

Still, the thought of no longer being needed in the same everyday way is hard to swallow.

I know J and I will find new things to do. We’ll travel, spend time with friends, rediscover parts of ourselves outside of parenting. But the era of the four of us piling into the car, running errands together, going out to dinner, or simply existing under the same roof every night is quietly nearing its end.

There are about to be so many more “first lasts.”

And while that ache is real, it’s also beautiful.

Because these two kids have grown into smart, kind, capable young adults. Watching them become who they’re meant to be has been the privilege of my life.

So maybe this season isn’t really about losing something.

Maybe it’s about realizing we weren’t perfect but we did something right.