Setting Boundaries...

Setting boundaries makes me uncomfortable.

In the past week, my faith in humanity has been restored, amidst the chaos of setting boundaries. The biggest fear many of us have is the unknown, and it’s both sad and comforting at the same time to find that others are dealing with similar things.

I want you to drill this quote below into your mind:

You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue in their actions.

I can’t tell you how many texts I have gotten the past week about people who have lost friendships and how it made them feel, after last week’s writings on that topic. It seems most people know some gaslighters/narcissists (and I suspect many know the same ones!) because I’ve gotten a lot of great quotes and memes. This particular graphic stood out to me because it truly hits home: you cannot change someone who doesn’t see an issue with their actions.

I don’t know if you’re like me at all in this way, but it’s hard for me to set boundaries. I don’t like hurting feelings and I don’t like confrontation. I don’t like giving up on people.

How many times have you cried or worried or gone against your gut because you felt like you had to in order to keep others happy? How many times have you ignored that unkind comment because “that’s just who they are”? How many times have you hoped or prayed that things would just all be ok because you didn’t want the hurt that comes with losing someone? How many times have you watched someone copy what you do so they can look better? Or better yet, put on a circus of charm to make others forget poor behavior?

That’s why this saying stood out to me. If someone doesn’t recognize that their behavior isn’t acceptable, they will never change it - and you have every right to set a boundary to protect yourself. It’s not being unkind, it’s being protective.

And rest assured that others see the issues in the person’s behavior if you do; others know the truth. They see the fake charm and the over-reaching to make their image better.

You are never alone when you are genuine and stand up for yourself. And you are never wrong to set your own boundaries.