Two Great Lessons In Life...

There are two great lessons my mom taught me in life. Well, there’s many, but these two are ones the resonate with me on a higher level as I grow older in life.

First: You will not be everyone’s cup of tea.

Second: If you have nothing to defend, don’t.

These are both on my mind, as they are pivotal points in my newest manuscript, which I’m nearly done with. But they are playing a role in my life, too. I learned recently about something really hurtful said about me by someone I once considered a very dear friend. Truth be told, it stung me far greater than I anticipated it would. It isn’t because I hold this person in high regard; sadly, those feelings began fading years ago though there was still hope for something better. It stung me because the truth could not be further from their words.

Friendship is a series of give and take. Sometimes, you encounter people who thrive off the latter, and it's exhausting. The truth is that I learned a long time ago what a true friend is, and it’s another lesson I’ve tried to carry with me in life. I'm not always a great friend; I make mistakes. We all do.

My true friends saw the struggle I was having at the time, as I had stopped communicating as much. My dad had been gone for just over two years and I had finished what I needed to at the time for his estate, so there was time to think and mourn. I dove right into making a great change in my life in terms of getting healthy to keep busy, and achieved what I had wanted to with that. And then Covid hit and I suddenly had all this free time to stew, and stew I did. I missed my dad terribly, and my mom as well. I’m a social person and Covid loneliness was hard. Trying to keep up the kids’ spirits during everything was an additional struggle. It all added up to me really struggling with day-to-day living, and this person did not see – and did not try to see – how deeply I was hurting.

And that’s okay, right? Everyone is busy. My problems are not their problems. No one owes me their time or compassion. Despite all of this, my true friends knew the struggle I was having because they asked why I was not myself instead of “unfriending” me on social media. It was during this time that I was reminded of my mom’s saying: I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. No one owes me friendship, and I don’t owe anyone my own.

And that’s okay!

I tell this story because everyone is going through something. We all have a friend who needs to know we are there; that we can’t fix their struggle but we can sit beside them while we try. If the person is important to you, make the effort. Before you say something in anger, start a conversation. Before you walk away, pick up the phone. Before you speak unkindly, talk to the person so you have a clear idea of what exactly is going on in their life. Because everyone is going through something, and if you are true friends – if you value and love that person and they are your cup of tea – then you make the effort.

At the end of the day, my mom’s second saying is the one I treasure the most: If you have nothing to defend, don’t. Just as I teach my kids, your actions and who you are as a person is what your true friends and loved ones will judge you on – and not the words of others. And if they do… then they were never your people to begin with.

I don't hold it against them. I let myself feel the hurt for awhile, and then I move on. I wish them the best via the universe, because they're obviously struggling, too. But just like Thanksgiving Dinner, I'll be filling my plate with the love of those around me. I hope you do, too!