As I work my way through my songs, this one is both my favorite and my hardest to revisit. It’s about my beautiful mama - but it’s also about one of the most painful seasons of our lives.
She was diagnosed with brain cancer in April 2004. Then a few months later on July 3, after a trip to the hospital because of seizures and other complications, we were told her time was very limited - days to weeks. It was, without question, the worst moment of my life.
And yet, somehow, she stayed with us another ten months. That time was a gift I will never stop being grateful for - more memories, more conversations, more moments we didn’t know we’d get.
I actually wrote two versions of this piece. The first was a poem that I included in my book about brain cancer. The second became this song. I wrote it in the darkness that followed that July conversation with her doctor, and even now, you can still hear the desperation in my words. I wasn’t just writing - I was pleading. Begging God for a miracle. For a cure.
Losing her felt like losing a piece of my own heart. For a long time, I lived deeply in that grief. But over the years, I’ve been learning - slowly and intentionally - how to live in a way that honors her: fuller, lighter, and with more joy than I once thought possible.
Hearing this song come to life, and finally allowing myself to sing it, has been part of that healing. It reminds me not only of how much I miss her, but of how deeply she was - and still is - loved.
Dawn Lee
(
You can listen to it here.)
Dawn Lee is sitting near me
I’m holding her hand as she cries
I know she's scared-how can you prepare
When they say it’s last call for goodbyes?
Every day I go and I stay
To be by her side for a while
She laughs with me, but still I can see
That her heart isn’t there in her smile
I wish I could fix all the pain that she feels
I wish I could take that away
I would give my own life to unsharpen the knife
That kills her a little each day
What the hell am I supposed to say?
Please, someone, hear me tonight
You can’t take her now, it just wouldn’t be right
There’s already enough angels, can you spare just this one?
There’s more life to be living, there’s much more to be done.
I’m begging you now, as I fall to my knees
Please, can I keep her with me?
Today we’re alone, We’re out on our own
To make one more sweet memory
It’s always a prize to see life through her eyes
But tonight, sitting with me
Her words just won't come,
But it's nothing she's done
The cancer took all that away.
We won't say goodbye
And I swear I won’t cry
I wish I could take us away
But tonight, what the hell should I say?
Please, someone, hear me tonight
You can’t take her now, it just wouldn’t be right
There’s already enough angels, can you spare just this one?
There’s more life to be living, there’s much more to be done.
I’m begging you now, as I fall to my knees
Please, can I keep her with me?
What will I do without her by my side
I want her so badly, my heart’s broken alive.
If I have one wish, just a moment to breathe
I’d give everything so she didn’t have to leave…
Please, someone, hear me tonight
You can’t take her now, it just wouldn’t be right
There’s already enough angels, can you spare just this one?
There’s more life to be living, there’s much more to be done.
I’m begging you now, as I fall to my knees
Please, can I keep her with me?
Comments