What We Remember...

Last night, while storms rolled through, my daughter and I curled up on the couch to watch a few more episodes of Dawson's Creek. We're slowly working our way through nostalgic 90s shows together - first Dawson’s Creek, then on to One Tree Hill and Felicity.

In one of last night’s episodes, Joey’s older sister Bessie says:

“The way I see it, the second kiss is always tougher than the first one. That first kiss? It's the passionate one. It's the one fueled by desire and attraction. The second kiss is rational. You've got time to think about it, to worry and overanalyze. Most women prefer that first kiss… but I'm partial to the second one because it's about something more.”

And that’s when I realized something strange.

I don’t remember a single first kiss.

Which made me wonder… is that unusual? Were they all so bad I forgot, lol? I don't think so. Maybe some, but definitely not all. But honestly, I don’t remember second kisses either.

It feels a little crazy now that I think about it, but my last first kiss was… 24 years ago. And to be fair, I can barely remember what I had for breakfast yesterday, so it stands to reason that something that long ago might fade a little.

Except here’s the funny thing: I can remember other tiny details from long ago.

I remember walking along the concrete parking barriers in a parking lot, trying to distract my high school sweetheart while people quietly arrived at his house for a surprise birthday party.

I remember wearing my favorite blue spring cardigan on a drive back from Navy Pier with my college boyfriend, where he stopped and bought me a rose.

And I definitely remember what I wore the first time I cooked Valentine’s dinner for my then-future husband: a baby blue dress with soft chiffon ruffles.

So why do our memories hold onto some moments so tightly… while letting others - like something as supposedly monumental as a first kiss - slip away?

A little research showed me this: our brains are actually very selective about what they keep. Psychologists say memory isn’t like a video recorder - it’s more like a highlight reel. Experiences that carry strong emotion or meaning tend to be encoded more deeply in the brain, because emotion helps strengthen memory formation.

So maybe those first kisses just weren’t the most memorable parts of my relationships. And looking back… they honestly weren’t. (It almost feels sacrilegious to say that as a romance writer, lol!) But the moments I do remember are the ones that defined who we were as couples at the time - the moments that really meant something to me.

And sometimes memories simply fade. Over time, the brain naturally lets go of details it decides aren’t essential, which actually helps us function without being overwhelmed by every experience we’ve ever had.

Which is one reason I love that I have so many photos.

In other words, forgetting isn’t a failure of memory. It’s part of how memory works. And maybe, in a way, it protects us too - by letting the small, forgettable moments fall away so the meaningful ones have room to stay.

Still… now I’m curious.

Do you remember your first kiss?